A Story of Forgiveness.

"Have you ever been irrationally angry?"

   I glance up from my lite pumpkin latte. "Yes." I blow some of the steam away.
   Allison bites her lip thoughtfully, and sips some of her passion-lemonade iced Tazo tea. When she says nothing else, I clear my throat. "You know, most normal people don't randomly ask questions like that."
   She chuckles. "I like a dramatic start to a conversation."
   "Kind of like the one we had a few months ago at the mall?" I tease.
   To my surprise, she sobers. "Yeah. Actually, it sort of has to do with that."
   "Oh?" I sit up straighter. "What's up, girl?"
   "Well--you were wrong."
   "I was wrong." I lift an eyebrow.
   "You were wrong. You said it would never go away. The pain. The anger. Remember you telling me that, at the spa? You said that 

it's possible to forgive, but the hurt doesn't go away." 

   She picks up the plastic cup and swirls the now-watery liquid around. "I told you that you were right. Remember?"
   "Yes, I remember. How was I wrong?" I'm really curious now.
   Allison takes a deep breath. "Well, I've put it behind me."
   I tilt my head. "Really?"
   "Yeah. For good."
   "Whoa. That's big stuff, Alli."
   She takes another deep breath. "Yeah."
   "When was that?" I have to ask. "We had that talk almost two months ago. And we've even talked about it since then."
   "I know. But--actually, I really don't know WHEN exactly it happened."
   She sets the cup down firmly. "There was this one place," she explains. "For some reason, every time I was at this intersection on my way home from school, I always thought of her--of the situation. And it hurt. Irrationally. That's why I asked that at the beginning."
   "Alli--" I start.
   "I know what you would say!" she bursts out. "I know it's normal to be mad at someone and to even have a hard time trying to forgive. But it was getting ridiculous. It was irrational because I had no real reason to be mad at her still. It's over. Past. LONG gone. It doesn't affect me any more."
   There's a pause. My latte is cold, but I sip it anyway.
   Allison looks me in the eye. "I drive through that intersection every week, usually multiple times. But the last few times, I haven't thought about it. 
  

It's just gone. 

I don't hate her anymore. 

It's crazy, Maddie! The feelings of animosity are just gone."
   "But how?" I practically explode. "How can you possibly get over it so COMPLETELY that you don't even think about it?"
   Alli smiles gently. "You just do," she answers simply. "I can't explain it really. You just forgive. And forget. Sure, convincing yourself that the person is lower than you or worse off than you helps you feel better about yourself for a little while, but that's just feeding the bitterness. Trust me--I know. You think it's working, but it's not. It's making it worse."
   I bite my lip. "But how?" I beg.
   Allison's smile broadens. "Put it behind you. Give it to Jesus.

He didn't design us to carry our burdens on our own anyway."

   I look at my friend again. She did seem different. Maybe forgiveness is worth a shot.
   "I don't know," I argue with myself aloud. "Is it worth it? It's easier to be angry! And--it's hard to change."
    "Tell me about it. But it is worth it." She reaches across the table and takes my hand. "Can you just try it, Maddie?"
   I give her a sideways glance. "Fine. I'll try. And Alli . . . thanks for proving me wrong."

~*~

While the above story is not a true happening, as in these actions did not occur exactly like this, it is based on a true experience. I just find it easiest to convey a message through a story rather than preaching at you "FORGIVE! LET IT GO!" although that is the message of Maddie and Allison.

Over the past year, I have heard something new. Contemporary Christian artists have been writing songs on forgiveness. Matthew West, Sanctus Real, and Tenth Avenue North are just a few examples. I have been listening to Contemporary Christian music since I was born, and I don't  recall ever hearing a song about forgiveness. But all of sudden, these several songs came into my life, and it felt like God was just spelling it out in front of me. Forgiveness is hard. H A R D. But like Allison said, it is worth it. You cannot grow closer to God if you have an unforgiving spirit. He wants to use you to fulfill His purposes and live out an incredible life for him, but not if you harbour bitterness in your heart.

Looking to far better things ahead,

Bee

~*~

Want to hear more?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h1Lu5udXEZI <-- Matthew West: "Forgiveness"

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3F9z54g30Eo <-- Sanctus Real: "Forgiven"

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mpe6Q-QVsoQ <-- Tenth Avenue North: "Losing"

DISCLAIMER: I am in no way affiliated with Matthew West, Sanctus Real, or Tenth Avenue North.

Change.

Not too many people LIKE change.

I am weird (duh) because I do.

Tomorrow I turn 19. That's a change. (Of course.)  Birthdays are marks of change in our life. Another year has gone by. For me, a tremendous amount of change took place in my life since my last birthday.

I got a haircut, just about 15 minutes ago. I am guilty of making decisions on the fly when I walk into a hair salon because I always want to do something different. One of the hardest things in the world for me to do is sit down in one of those cool chairs and tell them, "Just a trim," because I always want to add on "but can you do some short layers," or "how about full bangs this time," or even "I want six inches off (or more)".

And I love new experiences. New people, new places, new things, new situations. I love love love it. College has been enjoyable for me mostly for this reason. I see change as a turn in my life-story. (I told you I view everything as a story.) A twist in plot, a conflict that has to be resolved, or simply a new facet of the storyline that I simply did not notice before.

However, no matter how much I or anyone else likes or dislikes change, there is one area we guard closely: something we refuse to let go, even those of us who profess to love and know God as our Saviour. Ourselves. Don't turn me off just yet. I know that sounds pretty broad, but let me explain.

Last night at youth group, my youth pastor taught out of the book of Romans, using Paul as an example for us. Paul completely changed when he met God. My youth pastor said that Paul's belief, behaviour, and belonging changed. Although I was trying to stay awake and keep an eye on chatty young people (and trying NOT to think about homework), my youth pastor's words really affected me. How much in my lifehave I let God change since I accepted Him into my heart? I've grown up in a Christian home; I had a very sheltered childhood, was homeschooled, didn't really have any friends outside of church. So, it wasn't as if I've struggled with drugs or inappropriate relationships or alcohol or any of the "really bad sins." For a while this bothered me. "How do I know I've changed," I wondered, "if I haven't done anything different since I got saved?"

Well, the more I thought about it, and heard preachers and teachers talk about it, I realized that I HAD changed. God is the Creator of all things. When God enters, there is change. That's a simple fact. He makes things better. My pastor talked about that on Sunday morning. 

Christ. Is. Better. 

End of story.

Look at your life. Not just the outward things, but what has happened inside you. How have YOU, the very heart and mind of you yourself, changed since God came into your heart and life? If you accepted Jesus' sacrifice and resurrection paying for your sin, God has changed you, is changing you, somehow.

That being said, what are you holding back? What part of your life, past, present, or future, are you keeping from God? A sum of money? A family member or significant other? Your job? A hobby--good or bad? What do you cling to thinking, whether consciously or subconsciously, 

"This is mine.  

I love God! 'O how I love Jesus! O how I'-- 

but this is mine. "

I've heard preachers say, "It's all God's anyway--you might as well give it back!" While there is a lot of truth in that, God wants us to do it willingly. He gave us the choice to love Him or not. When you love someone, you give yourself to them: literally and figuratively. You subject yourself to them, how they will change you. You've done so for a spouse or loved one; why not do it for the One who gave everything for you?

God wants to do something incredible with your life. He WILL, if you give Him every part of you. It will be difficult. Paul wrote "I die DAILY" (1st Corinthians 15:31; caps added for emphasis); he had to sacrifice himself every day. Give up. Let go of everything that is yours. If God takes it from you, it was never meant to be yours, and you will be better with it gone. Do not be afraid. Let God change you into the person He wants you to be.

Looking to far better things ahead,

Bee